This post will give you language to answer questions about electoral politics in an age-appropriate way for kids from preschoolers to teens. While you may consider politics a mess that is fit only for adults, your child is certainly hearing about the election and drawing conclusions. Why not take the opportunity to have discussions that develop critical thinking, good citizenship, and values?

But first, let's talk about involving your child in voting. If you haven't already, please be sure to vote and make your voice heard. Let's teach our children to advocate for the future that we want for our country. And let's show our country that families matter and have a powerful voice.

Check here to find out where your polling place is: https://www.vote411.org/. This site, run by the League of Women Voters, also gives a phone number to call or text to report any election day problems: 1-866-OUR-VOTE (866-687-8683)

Yes, there may be a line if you vote in person. But that's part of the lesson -- Voting is such a privilege that we're willing to endure a little discomfort to do it. People all over the world have fought and sometimes died for the right to vote. Bring masks, an umbrella, snacks, and some books about voting to read as you wait. (There are links to several good ones below.) 

After you vote, take a photo (you need to go outside the polling place to take photos) and post it on social media #FamilyVote to inspire other parents.

Below is your age by age guide with talking points and questions to ask your child, to help them understand the electoral process and this unusual election. But first, some general guidelines for all ages.

  1. Turn off the news. Checking in periodically is more than sufficient. The media roller coaster ride of rumors and fears shouldn't set the tone in your home, even on election day.
  2. Watch your own tendency to react strongly in front of your child. Kids take their cues from us, and our overreactions make them feel less safe. Children should know that adults have got this; that it is not their job to worry about the election. Calm yourself before you talk with your child.
  3. You might open the discussion by asking your child what they've heard about the election. If your child initiates the discussion by asking you a question, ask them what they have heard about the issue before you answer. Your child might well have drawn upsetting conclusions from things they’ve heard, and you won’t know what those are until you listen. Then, your goal is to correct misinformation and alleviate anxiety.
  4. Even if you’re worried, your priority is to assure your child that you will keep them safe. This is true for kids of all ages, even into the teen years. So even more than giving your child information, you want to listen to their worries, acknowledge them, and reassure your child that whatever happens, you will keep them safe and your family will find a way through whatever happens. 
  5. Use the opportunity to share your values, but allow your child to express opinions that differ from yours. Don't be afraid to express your opinion, but back it up with facts. It's essential for kids to learn that civic conversations can be conducted with civility, and should be evidence-based, especially given our current civic atmosphere.
  6. When kids see public discourse that is disrespectful in tone, they learn that we adults are not actually serious when we tell them that they should be kind and respectful. So when you speak with your child, resist the urge to demonize voters on the "other side." Many of us look at people who disagree with us and wonder 'How could they even think such a thing?' But all of us form opinions based on the information we get from our news sources and from social media. The person who disagrees with us is seeing completely different information on their social media feed and even from news sources, so they are forming completely different opinions about what is true. This is a problem our children's generation will have to grapple with, since ours has not been able to solve it. Use the opportunity to point this problem out to your child and discuss what this does to a democracy.
  7. Let your child know that elections follow strict rules to make sure they are fair, that every vote is counted, and that only valid ballots are included. While one of the candidates and his supporters have claimed that the last election 'wasn't fair,' those claims have repeatedly been debunked.
  8. Explain that legally the election is not completed, and no winner can be declared, until all the votes are counted. Usually in the US in the past, all the votes were counted and a winner declared on the night of an election. But because some states don't start counting mail-in ballots until election day, we may not have all the ballots counted for a week. Ask your child "What can we do to help everyone stay patient and peaceful until all the votes are counted, to protect the democratic process and ensure fairness?"
  9. When your child asks you something and you don't know the answer, it is fine to say that you don't know. Invite them to look it up with you. As you do so, model how to fact check and evaluate sources. (This article from Common Sense has great resources for fact-checking.)

Preschoolers

Kids this young should not be exposed to the news, but they will notice signs and the general excitement. Explain political issues in terms that your preschooler can relate to, like fairness.

  • "Voting is one way that people make decisions about how we will live and work together. For instance, let's vote on whether to have pizza or pasta tonight."
  • "The President is the most powerful leader in the government. We all vote so that everyone gets to say who they think should serve as President. If only certain people got to decide, then that wouldn't be fair, would it?"
  • "Why do you think voting matters? That's right, if someone doesn't vote, they are letting everyone else decide for them."
  • "All those signs in front of people's houses are showing who they plan to vote for. They're hoping that their sign will make you want to vote for the person they like. What do you think about that?"
  • "How would you decide who to vote for? That's right, by whether you think they are a good leader, who has good ideas, listens to others, treats people fairly and kindly, and tries to help everyone work together.”
  • "People can disagree about whether or not something is a good idea for our country, and still be friends with each other."

School-Age Kids

All of the above, plus:

  • "If you were 18, who would you vote for? How would you make that decision?"
  • "In our town, we will be voting about whether to fix the roads. That will mean paying more taxes, because we have to pay for the roads somehow. Taxes also pay for schools, libraries, hospitals and playgrounds. If we don't all chip in, who would pay for these things? Do you think that is worth it?"
  • "Our democracy is pretty strong, with a lot of checks and balances, and it’s set up so that lots of people are involved in making decisions. Who is President is important, but there are limits to their power. It is also important who is elected to Congress."
  • "No, people can’t cheat and cast a ballot who aren’t allowed to. There are many precautions in place to be sure that everyone who votes is a U.S. citizen and has the right to vote.
  • “Sometimes people who lose elections say that the election wasn’t fair, just as kids who lose boardgames say that the game wasn’t fair. Donald Trump maintains that he did not actually lose the 2020 election, but there is no evidence of fraud that could have changed the outcome, the lawsuits challenging the results have been lost after hearings on the merits. (Of the 60 lawsuits that were filed alleging fraud, 59 were found to be unsubstantiated. The one that received a favorable ruling involved a tiny number of voters in one county, who were given an extra day to provide missing identification information after they mailed in their legitimate ballots on time.)
  • "What responsibility do our elected leaders, the candidates, and the news media have for telling the truth and role-modeling respectful civic engagement? Do you think lying to get elected is okay? "

Preteens

All of the above, plus:

  • "Do you think all political ads tell the truth? How could you fact-check what they say? How do you know which sources to trust?"
  • "All the votes get added up, and that is called the popular vote. But that isn't necessarily who wins the presidential election. The people in each state vote for who they want to be president, and they send “electors” to vote for that person in the Electoral College. There are 538 electors all together, so how many of those would you need to vote for you if you were running? That's right -- 270, which is half plus one."
  • "Some people think the Electoral College isn't fair because the candidate who wins the electoral college vote may not win the popular vote, which means that the majority of Americans didn’t actually vote for that person. Other people think the Electoral College is a good way for states with fewer people to have an impact on the election. What do you think?"
  • "No, there is no rule that all the votes need to be counted on election day. The law is that all votes need to be counted that were postmarked by the deadline, even if that takes weeks! That's one of the reasons the newly elected president isn't inaugurated for a few months after the election. Do you think it's important that everyone's votes get counted?"

Teens

All of the above, plus:

  • "When you see political information on social media, how do you know the source of it? What responsibility do you have for determining whether something is true before you repost it? How would you fact-check something? What sources do you trust?"
  • "You are likely to see things on your social media feeds that alarm you. That's intentional, so that you'll keep clicking. The more time you spend on social media, the more money they make. Youtube made billions on videos they knew were inaccurate in this election cycle. Since the information you're seeing often is not true, you have to fact-check it. How does it make you feel to know that you're being manipulated that way just so someone can make money?"
  • "Why do you think other countries have tried to influence our voters? What do they get out of it?"
  • "Experts agree that voter fraud is very rare, because there's a five year prison sentence for committing it! The Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank, says there have been 'only a handful of voter fraud cases over the past few years.' The Brennan Center for Justice, a liberal public policy center, 'found that Americans are more likely to be struck by lightning than impersonate someone else at the polls.' (Quotes courtesy of the Poynter Institute.
  • "There are many times in American history when voters elected leaders who made unfair policies. In every case, there were advocates and activists who worked hard to protect civil liberties and the rule of law. Do you know any examples of this?" (Jim Crow laws, Japanese Internment Camps, and McCarthy hearings are a few examples.)