Toddler having potty accidents all of a sudden

He's been toilet trained since he was 2 and wearing underwear and making it through naps and night times without pee accidents.

My question is, just in the last 3 or 4 days, he's been wetting the bed at night. when he pees in his bed, i just bring him in my bed so his bed can dry (once i take all the sheets off)

Also three times this weekend, he's peed on the bathroom floor!
He was doing amazing at going into the washroom, taking his pants off and going pee on the toilet (moving his step stool over so he could reach)and going pee, flushing, getting dressed - all himself.

oh ya , once this weekend he went into the washroom and sat on his potty and went pee (sometimes he pees on his potty, sometimes he chooses to go on the big toilet). he took his pants off and peed on his potty -BUT DIDN'T PUT THE LID UP AND PEED ON THE POTTY LID!

i don't know why this is all happening and i cried today from being so overwhelmed! i'm so frustrated that he could go from doing it all himself and so well to doing this.

any suggestions? -- Becca

(fyi - it is just him and me at home - always has been)

Dear Dr. Laura,

I have decided not to move him into my room when he does pee his bed- He has a body pillow in his room as well, maybe I'll just move him on there while I clean his bed.

Has he had any upsetting incidents in his life recently? No - things are the same at home

Is he in a daycare situation where something could have happened that you're not aware of? He is in daycare (has been since sept, he is going to be moving up to the preschool room after the christmas holidays - and he knows that. His little "girlfriend" he was attached to has moved into the preschool room a month or so ago. Kalan was pretty sad at first about that. (the preschool 'room' is the room beside his - it's an open concept daycare) He knows and understands that he'll be moving in the same room with Ava after Christmas.
During the same time he was peeing at home he was also pooping during nap at daycare - for the first time ever,

Because he seemed 'back to his usual self after about a week, I didn't think anything of these big changes - but now that I think of it, I suppose these are pretty huge changes in his world.

Is he angry about something? not that he's ever told me - and I don't think so

Did you start seeing someone? No i'm not seeing anyone

Adopt a new discipline strategy? Sadly - yes, I've been finding it really hard in the patience category these past few weeks - not sure what came first - the behaviour of the lack of patience (he's also gone from no behaviour problems AT ALL, to testing me a lot, pushing the envelope, ignoring me at time, and not listening) - mind you this isn't all the time - but it's been a huge switch in his behaviour. I know this is all probably supposed to happen at his age, but I'm finding it hard to keep calm all the time (like i used to) - and so because I'm not always as calm and "even" as I was, I'm actually yelling at him at times (and beat myself up for it for along time to come after that)
I was so upset and overwhelmed yesterday that I called a good friend of mine who came over right away to sit with kalan (and play with him) so I could have some "me" time and regroup.

Switch babysitters? No - it's always been my mom

It is also possible that he is getting sick, which often causes kids to regress. Yes actually he does have a cold - and although it's just "coming out now with the stuffy nose etc", I assume it's been "brewing" for a few weeks (which would fall into the same time frame as the peeing incidents)

Please don't respond harshly to your son in response to this. He is not peeing all over just to be ornery. Something clearly is not right inside him, and he is reacting to that. Just stay calm and say "Oops, you had an accident. Let's clean this up together. Here's a towel for you to clean the floor." Some patience, having him help clean up, and some detective work on what could be upsetting him should get him back to normal. I promise that a child who mastered potty training so early is not likely to have accidents for long.

Thank you for saying this - I have to admit, I haven't been responding at all like I would want to - cuz I just didn't know what else to do - this has all been so many changes...it's the some patience part i need help with at times (and this is very out of character for me - I try to be so very very patient with him)
He does like to clean up so that's a good idea.

thank you so much for your advice -Becca

Dear Becca,

Sounds to me like your little guy has a whole lot to deal with. He lost his best friend into the other class. He knows he will move there too, which makes him anxious because it is a big change, and doesn't really help the fact that he is missing her terribly now. The fact that he is pooping during nap at daycare confirms that there is something upsetting him at daycare.

These things may not be a big deal to us but they are to a two year old. He is really still a baby in many ways, although we do push our kids and expect a lot of them in this culture. Kids need our support at home to feel secure as they deal with these developmental challenges.

Which brings us to your challenge in handling his new behavior. It is completely age appropriate for him to be a handful right now. That is hard for a single mom. So far you have done great by yourself, and you can continue to do great. But you do need to make sure you have support and time to yourself. Telling yourself to be more patient is good but not enough in itself. You have to actually feel good inside in order to actually be lovingly patient with your child. I sense from your letter that your own internal cup is not full. Without that internal fullness, our love doesn't overflow into our kids' cups. And the only way to fill our internal cups is to love ourselves. In fact, until we learn to do that it is difficult to really take in love from others, or even to attract it into our lives.

So of course I am reminding you here that your son is being an appropriate two year old and your job is to remain lovingly patient, turn things into games, and not yell at him. But I am also asking you to shower yourself with love and forgiveness. In whatever ways you are down on yourself, let yourself off the hook. You aren't perfect, you're human like the rest of us. You'll be a better mother if you embrace yourself with total love, as well as embracing your son.

You may want to sign up for my Daily Parenting Inspiration Newsletter to support you in this. We all need reminders to stay on track so we can give our kids the best of ourselves!

And, yes, bottom line is that yelling at a two year old can make them regress and pee all over. When we yell, they get mad back but they feel so guilty about it. They can't even admit it but it comes out anyway and they pee all over and then they feel worse. The more gentle you can be with your little guy right now, the more quickly he will be back to his cooperative, toilet trained self. (And it occurs to me that you might want to read the section on this website on Toddlers as well, for some positive ideas on managing his budding assertiveness so you can enjoy him!)

Single parenting is the work of the angels. And any time you need their help, just ask. You'll find you have inner and outer resources you didn't even realize you had.

Blessings to you and your son.
Dr. Laura